I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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