I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
