So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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