I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i've created a new STD.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
