My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
