Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He has the fingertips of a God
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