how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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