This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
