No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
