never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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