I murdered the dance floor call the cops
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize