i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
