hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
