i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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