I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
