I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
