i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
