I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is my gift to your gina
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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