I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
