I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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