first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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