he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
