i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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