I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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