I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
