i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
