just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
