you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
