And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
