mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
