Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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