So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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