he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
