alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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