You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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