Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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