We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
