You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
