I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize