The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
