I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
