the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
