There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
