Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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