he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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