There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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