trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I could make wine with my vomit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
