I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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