If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
