Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
