Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
