I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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