I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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