Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
