wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize