Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
