Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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