The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
