so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
