someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
