what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
