You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
